Saturday, July 4, 2015

EURO PART 2 and CASTOR OIL

All my girls told me I needed castor oil.  When we arrived in Gdnask both Roxy (hair and wardrobe) and Chef Stefanie brought me some castor oil.  All natural.
My girl Nisa hailing from Oakland said..."oh you need to get you some castor oil".

Who even knew that castor oil was the black girls guide to edge growth?

I have some strong hair.  But I scratch.  My hands are constantly in my head.  Always...for evermore, giving my hair dresser a cardiac arrest each time I come home from tour.  She knew I was doomed when I said I was going on this tour.

And this tour...as exciting as it may be...is hard as all get out.  Not only because of the strenuous schedule but because of the demands of the particular artist.  Not crazy demands or nothing.  Just time.  It's like we all hold our breath hoping he gets to the next city.  "He needs you and the world needs him.." ?uesto pep talks me...."But I'M LITERALLY SCRATCHING MY EDGES OUT".

Then there's ye old pressure of the white man.  I think maybe I had one week of PMS, black church shootings and facebook arguments and I literally lost it.  I had a cold, I gained back all the weight I'd worked off, my skin lost the "glow".  I argued with my boss.  Granted I have 2 other tours happening, but they truly manage themselves.  I can't boast "grace under pressure" when I've lost all my grace.  Point is...how to do you regain it, when you've lost it?

Nothing like a transcontinental business class flight and an air bnb dream to take you out of that fire.  I had to have a real life vision board.  Not that vision boards aren't real life.  But I need my vision to happen in like...2 weeks.  So I found this:



And baby...when I tell you I'm finna live my whole Sophia Loren, Talented Mr. Ripley life with my private pool over looking the coast? Some how, the holes I keep putting in my head don't even matter.  I may even brush up on my Italian....see if I can get that old thang back....

When both of my girls brought me castor oil...thought of me enough....I knew I was getting the care I needed from the people who would give it me.  It's a job that requires giving all day.  And people taking all day.   No need to ask them to give it to me. Duh.  It's nice to know of a sister circle out here looking out for the cook out.

We get to Rome today. Can't wait to see how show #2 goes.  If it's anything like my new growth...we gon' be alright.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

We Set THE TOWN OFF!

I wonder how many cancer cells I’ve caused myself holding in what I really want to say.  Men get to be “offended” all the while still putting their knees in my back while I’m wearing a bikini coming from the neighborhood pool party.  But yawl offended.  

The good news is, great Bay Area weather and an abundance of fun set my entire weekend OFF.  The Bay was turnt.  Yes because D’Angelo was in concert and it was opening night.  YES because Dave Chapelle was playing across the bridge at the Fillmore and I had tickets.  YES because the Warriors were playing.  AND my momma was there. The concert seemed that much more sweet after the one point loss.  People danced away their sorrows to the sound of the Black Messiah.

And it was the first time I’d seen the show.  We’ve been in rehearsals for 3 weeks and our boy likes to burn the midnight oil.  Anyone who knows me knows 10:30pm is about my limit.  I falls asleep ANYWHERE.  After the first week of sleeping on the studio couch (gross and gross cuz I’m a germanphobe), sleeping on the studio FLOOR (like I was camping), back and hips all hurting like a 40 year old should, I decided I wasn’t going to be able to make rehearsals.  That said, the show reached far beyond my expectations.  I also didn’t notice over the past 3 weeks that this dude has been working his ASS off.  Like a whole different person showed up to the Fox Theater than the person I saw bleary eyed at 4 am while I staggered out of the studio 18.  Maybe I can’t see.



The Town was off the chain.  The funniest man of our time, Dave Chapelle came from overtime about 10 deep – one being Neal Brennan.  Now THAT’S a power couple.  Goapele.  Martin Luther. Chaka. Bobby Seale.  Yes.  Bobby Black Panther Power to the People Seale.   What a wonderful evening after all was said and done.  A great beginning to a fantastic tour. I remember why I like it so much.

Today I wore my good tight pants to work.  They wasn’t offended no more.






Monday, June 1, 2015

Another One Bites the Dust......

Great long week of working.  My head has been spinning since picking up my new client.  I always had the Roots Picnic show on May 30th but with the new client schedule - the only thing I was hired for - had I Heart on the calendar the same day.  How to be at two places at one time is one of the hardest things to decipher running a service oriented business.  That fucking Wonder Woman meme means fuck all.  And guess what?  You may not make the right decision.  Being strong in your decision takes....I don't know how long, i'll let you know if I get rehired.

That PLUS this picnic.  I've decided to add a new email for the people. It's called "TFTTickets@gmail.com".  It's an email for the fake hollering ass niggas (or women these days) who seem to need a week or so "warm up" period before asking for what they really want: tickets. Let me tell you, that warm up shit is not only aggravating, it really and truly it just hurts my fucking feelings.  I'm pretty much "Bitch 101" - bark is worse than bite, intentionally aggressive so that I don't get hurt, blah blah blah.  Living on the road with mostly men over the course of 16 years just may have affected my trust gauge.   Then I don't trust MY picker...which is sad.  That said, I'm not really interested in small talk.  Just ask me for tickets.  It's all good.  I'm not a prude so I don't need to be promised anything to give up the pussy, just ask.  It will be yes or no.  No need for fake promises.  No need to ask deep and meaningful questions about other projects I may have spoken to you about in our "close and deep convos"....just come to catering, I'll give you a pass to the after party.  Thing is, I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF.  What I DO care about, is small talk BULLSHIT.  If you're my friend, be my friend.  Friends support, not take.  If you're a groupie in this - tfttickets@gmail.com is probably your best bet.  That way no one wastes time or game.  No small talk. No false attempts. No, nothing.  You get what you want and I get what I want...all joy and peace.







Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Gettin while the gettin is good.....

I saw my boy at yet another Samsung Lounge....3rd one in the last couple of weeks, each time a different client...."I see you came back to the darkside".....
referring to the genre of music this time.  While I am blessed to be choosy, this game is unforgiving. You take a break, you try to plan your picket fence lifestyle,  you leave yourself vulnerable for one minute and that's when some blonde 20 years your minor, toes creeling over her fall '12 wedges is tryna cop your spot and tell you how something "typically" works. 

Chile. Please.

That picket fence will be wrapped around my villa in the south of France with my 11 Godkids on spring break and a bevy of younger lovers....this month. If I choose. I leaves no money on the table.  Why? Cause ain't NOBODY checking for you in this cutthroat, misogynistic, greasy -bikini-in-the-summertime music industry. My late great mentor #Dixpop told me, literally begged me not to get have kids..."it'll ruin your life." Not everyone's but some. Maybe some that were destined to do more, see more, access more...or less. I'm still fumbling through but thank God that was presented as an option to accentuate my womanhood verses define it by 2.5 kids and a mini van.

So here, on the eve of yet another world tour where I jump off and on with other clients, I stand to prove me to me. Work hard, play hard, love harder.  I know I seemed busy before. But yawl ain't seen nothing yet......



Saturday, March 7, 2015

RED LIGHT SPECIAL

Dear Amsterdam,

Why must you always feel like home?  You are the point of the tour where everyone breathes.  You are where I know of the best laundry mats.  And while your Argentine steak houses are redundant, we've been able to find that ONE where only locals go.  The Italian restaurants know us by name.  We have the nerve to have our favorite smoke shop.

What?  A new one?  Indeed.  I'm there!  Amnesia....is a jewel on the Herengracht.  This uppity ass neighborhood where the walk ups are on fleek and everyone has all they damn windows open like I ain't supposed to look.  High ceilings and moldings and shit.  Think Montana Ave in Santa Monica.  Not Beverly Hills uppity, but them heiphas ain't got no jobs neither.  Which is probably why I found my NEW naked spa, Sauna Deco there.  Because jobless heiphas can take baths in public.

Favorite new fantastic store Kiki Niesten - this eccentric woman who's collected clothing for over 30 years.  She removes the label and sells the item at percentage of it's original cost.  I can't wait to find a spot to wear this Botega dress.  And the gloves...oh the gloves....they are truly too much.

Across from Miss Kiki's  shop is a wonderful store  Outras Coisas. This designer, David Simkanic, makes AMAZING leather goods. Then accents with towels, scarves, white plates...because I need more white plates.  These black candle holders I bought are the absolute TRUTH...dear GAWD.
It's the kind of store that has nothing you need but EVERYTHING you want.

And finally, The Canal House a JEWEL mind you....23 room boutique hotel of a 17th century house or 3 put together.  Rooms are good size.  Not cheap, but absolutely lovely.  Having the run of house there would be a bomb birthday party.  Courtyard, whisky, naked spa and weed?  What are we talking about here?

After leaving the Herengracht neighborhood we move a few blocks away...more boutiques, less uppity neighborhood called Jordaan.
Jordaan is where I found a cool spot, JD Williams Whisky Bar with a cooler Proprietor from San Francisco.  I already told him I'm biting.  Had nerve enough to go twice.  Couldn't help it.  They had Taco Tuesdays and Konge fried chicken bites.  Come on now!

All in all, I love me some Amsterdam. 2 shows left.  I'll be on US soil by Sunday.  Praise Him!

Monday, March 2, 2015

That one time we got strip searched in Sweden........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFkSENBFhy4


16 years.  16 years of border crossings....all sorts of borders....Canadian, Mexican, Algerian, Argentinian, Chinese..... hell I've even crossed into Cuba.  Never...NEVER in my life have I been asked to drop my drawers and take of my shirt.

Part of the tour manager crossing the border game is remaining calm and more often than not, keeping my "chip-on-shoulder" "stand-up-to-authority" brethren to keep their lips shut for the sake of getting through.  Let's say for the 30 plus times you've gotten away with carrying, you get caught once.  Shut the fuck up.  You had it coming.  No it ain't racist.  The white jawn had to strip too.  Agist maybe.  Whatever the fuck....the dog smelled the right people.  We got rid of it.  no harm no foul.  But please don't act ignorant at the border.  It's exhausting keeping myself in line let alone entitled ass American ass adults.


Planes, Trains and Uncircumcised Penis

So, if you didn't know, I like Naked Spas. Naked co-ed Spas. Naked, co-ed, European Spas. Naked, co-ed European Spas in Amsterdam in particular.  If you've been with me to the South of France, Portofino,  Morro do Sau Paulo, Corsica or may even the Mandalay Bay adult pool in Las Vegas, chances are you've seen my boobs.  I don't mind.  They are more like an accessory any way....like a really nice pair of cufflinks.  They are small and you notice them, but they aren't overwhelming and add just the right touch.

Any way, my boobs like to go to Naked co ed European Spas in Amsterdam.  So I took my partner in crime and visited a new one:

http://saunadeco.nl/    Tiny spa at the bottom of a brownstone with lovely Art Deco furniture and accents.  Not at all big and obnoxious like that last Naked co-ed European Spa in Amsterdam 20 minutes outside of town.  Although that was banging too.  This one was quaint and just enough.  I was only surrounded by like 10 or 12 uncircumcised peni vs 50 plus at the other spa.  There was even a pregnant lady there relaxing getting her sauna on.  The steam room was to die for and the cold plunge was refreshing.  Wasn't a freak nasty thing, just a spa.  Just people who like to sauna naked and pretend they aren't looking at each other.

You think any of the guys want to go?  hells to the no.  They get offended just asking.

I loved it.

The mint tea put me to sleep.